Guilt Free “Me Time”
Nov 17, 2023
This week, our Director of Well-being, Tracy Secombe, shares the following blog post on why we feel so guilty when we do something for ourselves.
When new members join the Farm Owners Academy Platinum Mastermind program, they complete a Business Analysis Review (BAR). As part of the review, we check in with their current well-being status and determine what burnout stage they are in – with the honeymoon stage being the one we would all like to be in – and other various stages of incremental levels of stress.
If they determine that they are in stage 3 or higher of burnout, they are invited to work through my 7-day Calmness Code Challenge. On the first day of the challenge, we think about how our lives would change in each area if we were calmer.
Today, one of the people going through the Calmness Code Challenge mentioned that she would have more “guilt-free me time.”
It reminded me of myself and so many of the people in the farming community that I work with.
Why do we feel so guilty when we do something for ourselves?
I think it’s because we have been taught to work hard and do things for others.
There is nothing wrong with either of these things. However, if we never make time for ourselves to be healthy and happy, eventually, we’re not much good to anyone around us.
It’s common to feel guilty about taking time for yourself, but it’s important to remember that self-care is essential for your well-being.
According to an article from Psychology Today, many people suffer from what is sometimes called toxic or chronic guilt, which is closely related to a false and overwhelming sense of responsibility.
This stems from their childhood environment and is carried into their adulthood and adult relationships, be they romantic, work, or others.
False responsibility refers to an attitude when you feel responsible for things that, objectively, you aren’t responsible for and shouldn’t feel responsible for.
For example, as children and adolescents, people feel responsible for the needs and emotions of their parents, siblings, and other family members. Usually, this sense of responsibility comes from being overtly or covertly blamed and punished. Since the children are powerless and dependent, they have no choice but to accept any treatment they receive from their caregivers. Since the children don’t have a frame of reference, they also tend to normalise their environment or even perceive it as loving or caring childrearing.
This false sense of guilt can even become a default state that is referred to as chronic or toxic guilt. As a result, the person tends to take on unjust responsibility and feels overly guilty if things around them go wrong. They are quick to accept that everything is their fault even though it isn’t.
They also often have poor boundaries, are emotionally entangled with other people, and try to manage other people’s emotions or generally feel overwhelmed by other people’s emotions.
If you’re feeling guilty about taking time for yourself, it’s important to remember that you deserve to take care of yourself. Here are some tips to help you overcome feelings of guilt:
- Recognise that self-care is important: Taking care of yourself is essential for your well-being. It’s not selfish to take time for yourself.
- Set boundaries: It’s essential to set boundaries and communicate them to others. Let them know that you need some time for yourself.
- Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you stay present and focused on the moment. It can also help you let go of negative thoughts and feelings.
- Challenge negative thoughts: When you start to feel guilty, challenge those negative thoughts. Ask yourself if they’re really true.
- Be kind to yourself: Remember to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would show to a friend.
Remember, taking time for yourself is not selfish. It’s essential for your well-being and can help you be more productive and effective in other areas of your life.
Regards,
Robbo, Tracy & The Farm Owners Academy Team
